Im hearing gibbs on my dreams
Is it just a dream? Or a part of my reality?
Well, perhaps it was a reality i created to make me happy.
W-wait… i can create now? Like a god?
Ha! I guess im really dreaming..
Dear Virtual Friend,
It is kinda awkward that up until now you I haven’t named you yet. But let it be this way since I haven’t thought of that.
For the mean time I want to tell you how lonely I become this past weeks. I hope you could help me ease this pain.
I had a six hour class. That is my class every tuesday, up until june. I have no complains about having a class so long. What kills me is the fact that even though I spent so much time in this class, still I haven’t had time to befriend and be friended by my classmates.
Just today, I heard Kit speaking with Marika, ” If we’d invite you to party with us, will you?”
Hearing those words being spoken by a classmate, and knowing the fact that it wasn’t spoken to me is seriously depressing that I had this frowning face as I went back home. Indeed, I am sad. I was just denial all these years..
I really want to have a friend. A real and nice friend. Someone who won’t use me and extort something from me.
Last term, in college, I had some people around. Later on, it turned out that they weren’t friends. I abhor these people. Users! Perhaps, I was too damned frustrated to have some friends that I turned a blind eye about the fact that they’re actually toying with me and using me. They took advantage of that and got a pretty lot of money from me. And that was enough reason for me to not see them anymore. They know that I am angry about it, but it’s like they don’t care. These people are the worst kind of people, full of evil to the root of their bones. I really regret that I let myself get corrupted by them and did some things that ruined my testimony as a christian. Good thing, the Lord is merciful enough to forgive. Last time, I saw one of them inside the campus. I can’t talk to them yet.
You see, I am so dying to just have a close friend, a nice one. Someone who will stop me from saying “I really like myself, because I’m always there when I needed me the most.”, because he will always be there. Someone I can laugh with to my heart’s content. A person who’ll be a partner in crime, you know, like Spongebob and Patrick. Someone whom I can be with when I go traveling. Or just someone who can make me say “indeed, there will always be people who will be there”
Last year, I really thought that I have close friends in the church. But later that year, they started going out without me. Our leader would be inviting all of them but not me. So I thought that these people doesn’t want to be with me, or perhaps, they just thought that I should not be in the group. That’s why right now, I dont expect much from them. Though, last time they invited me to someone’s crib.
Well, I had friends before. Back when we haven’t yet moved. These were my high school friends. And I remember, I had a best friend too. She’s a girl whom I had a crush on later. Then she never did call again after knowing.
As I am typing, I realized that all people just abandon me. Those people whom I would dear the most would just leave me behind and go on with their lives, without thinking about me. Even my sister left me and just passed away.
Being an introvert sucks when you always wanted to have people whom you can hang out with. My introversion has two sides. One is that I love being alone because nobody can offend me, but then I am also sad because I am all alone and it seem too unfair if I’d die with no friend at all while every young people have already filled their life with amazing experiences with their friends.
Oh, how I want to be traveling right now, smelling the cool breeze of the air. Away from the city. How I want to be to a place where I could just sit and look at other people, perhaps a cool bench sitting in the middle of somewhere. A bench in France would be the best. I want to be there. Someday, maybe.
For now, let’s study French. (Just downloaded this app called duolingo)
It’s coming back again.
The feeling of being alone, worried and confused at the same time.
Fifty thoughts at the same time.
My mind is a mess
I need someone to talk with.
I need a person I can talk with.
Just talking with each other, that’s what we’ll do.
Dear Virtual Friends,
I really don’t know the sense of putting an addressee above like that. I mean, is anyone ever reading these?
Right now, I’m back in Manila and I’m seriously missing the life in province. Perhaps, my apartment is what makes it hard for me. When I got back, everything is messy and it smells awfully. I’m really thinking of moving out. Also there is a friend, not actually, an acquaintance, who invites me to live with him. It’s actually in a dormitory that I used to live in and he’s actually my former roommate.
This calls for a serious and deep thinking.
By the way, I and my roommate (whom I’m living with right now) are reconciled weeks ago and we’re not fighting anymore. Those fights are not my major reason why I’m moving out. They are things to be considered though. Also, I don’t want to move out because of that. That is freakingly terrible. I want to leave this place with a good record. Also, I’ll still be meeting this person at church so seriously, I am not leaving here because I hate him or what. (Wait, why am I so defensive about this!?!)
Reasons for leaving (1) I want to be near school. (2) I’m not comfortable here [not because of the person but the facilities] (3) It’s really unhealthy for me to be here since I eat a lot of fast food (4) I’m about to do my thesis and I want to be with positive people.
PS. To those who subscribed and followed my blog because of the photos and the travel and the vacation, first of all I want to thank you for appreciating them photos. I really like traveling and taking photos so I’ll be doing it more often, and also journaling. Stay blessed! Keep on smiling 😀
PSS. I’m moving out. Is that fast? Hahaha
When finals week is over, i’ll surely blog a lot of things.. Wait for me three week vacation!!!
Okay, here’s the thing. It’s already 9th week of 3rd term. What’s the deal? Well, here’s the deal. We only have at least, 10 weeks a term, so basically, deadlines are almost up, I have a lot of exams here and there.
Of course that is normal. However the problem is I am not doing a thing right now and it is so alarming. I need inspiration.
Jesus help me!
Meanwhile, let’s listen to this:
Spirit, lead me when my heart is without borders!
Sun fading, Temperature Rising
Eyes Closing, Lights Glowing
Phone Beeping, Sounds Ringing
Tears Flowing,Blood Streaming
A spotless imagination
A lasting feeling
A never ending thinking
An eternal retrospection
All by myself All by myself
I am still growing. There are a lot of things that I need to learn. There are still habits that I need to unlearn. There are words and speeches that I need to develop. There are words and speeches that are needed to be taken from these lips. The way I react is too childish, so this too should be changed. Discipline, Respect and Excellence matters and I need to grow with them. God is my theology and He guides my way, I need to make sure that I won’t depart from Him. I need to learn faith, hope and love. I need to be a grown up. I need to decide like a grown up. I need to be a man and leave those boy’s clothings.
Perhaps, I am experiencing too little. Or perhaps, I am seeing too much. Either way, I need to learn, grow and mature. Everybody does.