I’ve been to a lot of things lately. Or not. I don’t know. It is like a paradox of doing a lot of things and not doing at all, both at the same time.
During these times that I failed to blog, I was on to something. I was on my quest of finding my self worth. Yeah you read that right. I have my issues. If you’re gonna read this blog, you’ll know that.
Have you ever felt that? That feeling of being out of place? That kind of nerve that tells you that somehow you just don’t belong in that place where you are in right now? That is what I am feeling right now. I am on the edge of falling down and it seems like no one is there at the bottom to save me.
In me is a raging sea
In me are crashing waves
In me is a roar of a thousand thoughts
I want to shut them all up
My heart, it beats fast
Like it is about to explode
My body feels hot
I want to punch the wall
I shut the door
I took the headset
and it was such a therapy
And before posting this, I found out this great cover 🙂 Enjoy! They are Dominic and Sam
I might be dying. I can feel it. It is evident. My senses tell me so. I’m trembling. I’m somehow scared, and somehow glad. I am overwhelmed with my emotions I really can’t tell what I am feeling right now. But I know I am dying. And nobody’s aware of it. I am not telling anybody as for the moment.
Perhaps, this is the downside of being an introvert, you are dying and you can’t tell it to anybody. If there’s an emergency, there’s nobody to ask for help.
I don’t know what to do. I am completely lost. All I think about is that, if I am really dying and my breathe is being taken from me, then, my love, my future wife, I guess I’d rather not seeing you anymore. It would be painful for me knowing that we won’t be together for long. And it would be more painful for me knowing that it would hurt you so much. Of all the people, though we haven’t met yet, you are all that’s in my mind now.
Why is this happening? Am i that evil for God to punish me like this? I know that God is love. I know that He loves humanity that He sent His Son to die for me. But why am I dying so early? So terribly? It’s hard to breathe. I am slowly dying. Seriously.
Okay, here’s the thing. It’s already 9th week of 3rd term. What’s the deal? Well, here’s the deal. We only have at least, 10 weeks a term, so basically, deadlines are almost up, I have a lot of exams here and there.
Of course that is normal. However the problem is I am not doing a thing right now and it is so alarming. I need inspiration.
Jesus help me!
Meanwhile, let’s listen to this:
Spirit, lead me when my heart is without borders!