Dear Virtual Friend,
It is kinda awkward that up until now you I haven’t named you yet. But let it be this way since I haven’t thought of that.
For the mean time I want to tell you how lonely I become this past weeks. I hope you could help me ease this pain.
I had a six hour class. That is my class every tuesday, up until june. I have no complains about having a class so long. What kills me is the fact that even though I spent so much time in this class, still I haven’t had time to befriend and be friended by my classmates.
Just today, I heard Kit speaking with Marika, ” If we’d invite you to party with us, will you?”
Hearing those words being spoken by a classmate, and knowing the fact that it wasn’t spoken to me is seriously depressing that I had this frowning face as I went back home. Indeed, I am sad. I was just denial all these years..
I really want to have a friend. A real and nice friend. Someone who won’t use me and extort something from me.
Last term, in college, I had some people around. Later on, it turned out that they weren’t friends. I abhor these people. Users! Perhaps, I was too damned frustrated to have some friends that I turned a blind eye about the fact that they’re actually toying with me and using me. They took advantage of that and got a pretty lot of money from me. And that was enough reason for me to not see them anymore. They know that I am angry about it, but it’s like they don’t care. These people are the worst kind of people, full of evil to the root of their bones. I really regret that I let myself get corrupted by them and did some things that ruined my testimony as a christian. Good thing, the Lord is merciful enough to forgive. Last time, I saw one of them inside the campus. I can’t talk to them yet.
You see, I am so dying to just have a close friend, a nice one. Someone who will stop me from saying “I really like myself, because I’m always there when I needed me the most.”, because he will always be there. Someone I can laugh with to my heart’s content. A person who’ll be a partner in crime, you know, like Spongebob and Patrick. Someone whom I can be with when I go traveling. Or just someone who can make me say “indeed, there will always be people who will be there”
Last year, I really thought that I have close friends in the church. But later that year, they started going out without me. Our leader would be inviting all of them but not me. So I thought that these people doesn’t want to be with me, or perhaps, they just thought that I should not be in the group. That’s why right now, I dont expect much from them. Though, last time they invited me to someone’s crib.
Well, I had friends before. Back when we haven’t yet moved. These were my high school friends. And I remember, I had a best friend too. She’s a girl whom I had a crush on later. Then she never did call again after knowing.
As I am typing, I realized that all people just abandon me. Those people whom I would dear the most would just leave me behind and go on with their lives, without thinking about me. Even my sister left me and just passed away.
Being an introvert sucks when you always wanted to have people whom you can hang out with. My introversion has two sides. One is that I love being alone because nobody can offend me, but then I am also sad because I am all alone and it seem too unfair if I’d die with no friend at all while every young people have already filled their life with amazing experiences with their friends.
Le Journal d'un Introverti 